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Another list that has served me and my clients well over more than a decade. This one is written particularly for conflicts within a team. I hope that it provides value for you.
- Be open to hearing from one another when there is a conflict. Your goal is early intervention. Begin with the assumption that the problem is real, and that the other person has a right to their feelings.
- Do not match their language, intonation, or emotions; listen from a place of empathetic detachment.
- Convey your commitment to finding a solution.
- Allow whatever time is necessary for the other person to get everything said.
- Tell the other person that you appreciate them bringing the problem to you so you can find the solution together. Paraphrase the important points back to them so that they know that you listened, and so that you can make sure you heard the essential information in the midst of the upset.
- Share how you’re feeling: “Here’s how it occurred for me” or “it landed this way for me.” Note that the language is about how things show up for you. There is no attempt to discredit the other person’s experience.
- Together, create a desired end result. Then break the result down into manageable chunks, with a timeline to implement change. This may include regular check-in time with each other.
- In the process of resolving the conflict, figure out not only what went wrong, but also fix the core of the problem, and then share the problem and the solution with the entire team.
- Ironic twist: it’s all made up. What you’re really doing is helping one another to effectively let go of being trapped in your minds.