Sometimes, a list is all you need for a kickstart or to get things back on track. I’ve used this one for over a decade, and it has always served me and my clients well. I hope it provides value for you.
- We say what we mean and we mean what we say.
- Commit to eliminating gossip.
- If you have a concern with someone, talk to him or her directly.
- If there is a history of mistrust between you, let the other person know you’d like an unbiased third party at the conversation.
- Truly listen to someone every time you engage in conversation. It’s an active process.
- Voice is most always better than email. Make sure there’s enough time for both parties to have their say.
- Hear what was said by pausing before you speak, after the other person is complete. It helps to shut down the voices in your head.
- Ask for clarification if there is something you don’t understand.
- Refer back to Tip 1: we mean what we say and we say what we mean, e.g. “Did you complete the report?” does not mean “I can never trust you to finish anything on time.”
- Listen with the possibility of being moved from your position.
- It’s possible that someone else’s point of view might be a contribution to you.
- You can acknowledge someone’s point of view without agreeing with her or him. A simple “got it” or “I hear you” will suffice.
- The best time to deal with a disagreement is NOW. However, do take time to calm down first if you need to.
- Do not assume it will be better next time. It won’t, because you will add your upset from the first incident to every succeeding one.
- Say what’s so and only what’s so.
- Don’t sweeten it up.
- Don’t use anger.
- Speak from your point of view, and not as a victim. “I feel” not “you make me feel” is the way to go.
- Realize that working as a team means compromise. And compromise means everyone has to give up something. And that’s OK.
- Recognizing the feeling of discomfort between how things are, and how you want things to be, is how we grow.